In the heart-pounding world of hostage negotiation, precision is paramount. When ruthless pirates seized six crew members from a vessel in the Gulf of Guinea, off the coast of West Africa, the stakes couldn't have been higher. Enrick, a seasoned crisis negotiator with a proven method for securing the safe return of hostages and achieving positive outcomes in high-pressure negotiations.
The first order of business? Silencing the storm within. Enrick emphasizes the importance of remaining composed amidst the chaos. "We can't navigate this volatile situation from a place of agitation and high stress," he explains. A cool head is essential for clear thinking and strategic decision-making.
Next comes the crucial task of selecting the ideal point person. Enrick meticulously chooses John, a member of the corporate crisis team, for his emotional stability, strong communication skills, and ability to connect with the kidnappers on a human level.
For weeks on end, John and Enrick become an inseparable duo, glued to the phone in a makeshift command center, waiting for the kidnappers' next move. When contact is finally established, the initial demand is a staggering $5 million ransom. Enrick's experience and training scream red flags. He knows succumbing to this initial pressure will only embolden the kidnappers, potentially leading to further demands or attacks.
John, under Enrick's guidance, expertly employs a communication strategy built on reason and empathy. "That is a lot of money, which we don't have readily available. We need time to see how much we can raise. Let's speak again in two days," he counters, establishing a foundation for dialogue.
Subsequent conversations focus on building trust and rapport. John avoids inflammatory language and conveys a genuine concern for the hostages' well-being. He asks clarifying questions to understand the kidnappers' motivations beyond the immediate ransom request.
This patience and emotional intelligence pay off. The kidnappers eventually recognize that John isn't a pushover, but rather a negotiator who prioritizes respect and a peaceful resolution. This newfound trust allows John to advocate for a reduced ransom, ultimately securing the hostages' release for $300,000 – a fraction of the initial demand.
Enrick's success extends far beyond this singular hostage crisis. His decades-long career encompass experiences confronting extortionist cyber attackers, negotiating with disgruntled clients, and navigating complex contract negotiations. Through these encounters, he has distilled a universal truth: effective negotiation hinges on listening, not just hearing.
This philosophy, which Enrick terms "level-five listening," transcends the passive act of simply waiting for one's turn to speak. It's a deep dive into the other party's psyche, a quest to understand their underlying needs, concerns, and perspectives.
Most negotiators operate at rudimentary listening levels. Level-one listening involves sporadically tuning in before formulating a rebuttal or mentally drifting off. Level-two focuses on listening to refute, a tactic that fosters animosity and hinders rapport building.
Level-three listening, while an improvement, still falls short. It involves deciphering the other party's logical arguments but fails to capture the emotional undercurrents. Level-four listening acknowledges these emotions but doesn't delve into the deeper self-perception that drives them.
Level-five listening bridges this gap. It's about actively seeking to understand the other party's worldview, their hopes, fears, and motivations. This empathetic curiosity allows you to ask insightful questions that foster collaboration and pave the way for mutually beneficial solutions.
So, how exactly do you transform yourself into a negotiation ninja by mastering the art of level-five listening? Enrick unveils his secret weapon: MORE PIES. This mnemonic serves as a handy reminder for the essential techniques that elevate you to a level-five listener:
Minimal Encouragers: Short verbal cues like "Mmm," "Uh-huh," and "Go on" demonstrate that you're actively engaged and attentive, particularly during phone calls or lengthy monologues. Of course, pace your interjections and ensure your body language reflects your tone. Avoid overused words like "Great" and "OK" to prevent the other party from feeling you're disengaged.
Open Questions: Encourage people to speak freely and reveal their priorities, dealbreakers, and potential compromise areas. These questions buy time, gather data, clarify misunderstandings, and de-escalate emotions. Start with "What" or "How" for questions like "What is the real issue?" or "What could we do to make you stay?" Keep them simple, focused, and jargon-free. Remember to give the other person ample time to answer and consider encouraging an exchange of questions. While closed-ended questions ("Do you have another offer?") have their place for specific information, overuse can feel like an interrogation. Leading questions ("Which competitor is trying to poach you?") should be avoided as they create an air of judgment and manipulation.
Reflecting Back: Repeating key phrases or the last few words your counterpart used demonstrates attentiveness, encourages further elaboration, and creates rapport. It can also buy you time to formulate responses or open questions. Imagine a cyberattacker threatening a virus attack ("A virus?") or a supplier yelling for faster payments ("Faster?"). By carefully choosing words to reflect, you can subtly steer the conversation. For example, if lobbying your boss for an additional team member, and they say there's no budget room, "Room in the budget?" would be a reflecting response that might prompt further explanation and open discussion for alternative solutions.
Emotional Labeling: This helps your counterparts manage their emotions, actions, biases, and entrenched opinions, allowing them to think objectively. It's about offering non-judgmental observations about their emotions, problems, behaviors, or views. Phrases like "It feels like you're frustrated with me" or "It sounds like the money is important to you" are good examples. Even if you misinterpret an emotion, it shows you're paying attention and want to understand them better. Every shift in tone, body language, or argument is an opportunity to acknowledge their experiences.
Paraphrasing: Translate your understanding of what the other person has said into your own words to ensure you're on the same page. Focus on content, not exact language. "So it seems like what you're saying is..." or "Can I share with you where I think you're at with this?" are good starting points. Paraphrasing ensures there are no misunderstandings in critical situations like hostage negotiations, and holds the same value in business settings. After paraphrasing, give the other person a chance to clarify or amend your interpretation by saying, "Correct me if I'm wrong here..." Most often, wait for a pause in their speech before inserting your paraphrase.
"I" Statements: Explain how the situation or negotiation affects you and encourage a change from your counterpart without blaming them. Include the behavior or situation, your feelings, and the consequences. For example, "When you dismissed my proposal immediately, I felt frustrated because it seems like you don't value what I have to offer." This approach flags potential negotiation derailers that need attention.
Effective Pauses: Give your counterparts space to collect their thoughts, keep talking, or even vent. Resist the urge to jump in after they seem finished speaking. Allow the silence to build slightly uncomfortably for a few seconds. This technique is particularly effective in police interviews, where silence often compels people to fill the void. Inexperienced communicators often interrupt; resist this urge! Keep a stress ball with the letters W.A.I.T. on your desk to remind yourself to "wait" and "why am I talking?"
Summarizing: Similar to paraphrasing, summarizing involves offering your understanding of what someone has just said, but using their own words. This condenses information into manageable chunks and highlights key points. For example, to a boss resisting your plea to expand your team, you might say, "If I understand you correctly, you don't have the budget this year, but a small allocation might open up next cycle. So I should write a memo proposing a job description for a potential new hire? Is that a fair summary?" This allows the boss to correct any misunderstandings.
