For many, the golden years of parents are a time for cherished memories and shared moments. But for only children, this period can be a heart-wrenching test of strength and resilience. When the inevitable decline of age sets in, these sole siblings face the daunting task of caring for their parents alone.
Lori Hanasko knows this burden all too well. Her parents, once independent figures, were suddenly thrust into dependency due to age-related ailments. Her 89-year-old father, recovering from a broken hip in a care home, and her 84-year-old mother, still hospitalized from a fall, rely solely on her. Each day, Lori juggles work, hospital visits, and the immense responsibility of managing their care - a solitary battle against the tide of time.
This growing reality is becoming increasingly common. As the family structure in the United States evolves, the number of only children is on the rise, currently accounting for approximately 22% of women at childbearing age - double the figure recorded in 1976. This trend has a significant social consequence: a generation of solo caregivers facing the multifaceted challenges of eldercare without the support system siblings traditionally provide.
The absence of siblings leaves only children shouldering the emotional and financial burden alone. Decisions regarding surgeries, living arrangements, and driving cessation fall entirely on their shoulders. Financially, the weight of out-of-pocket expenses, averaging around $7,200 annually, adds to the immense pressure they experience.
Amy Goyer, a national expert at AARP, understands this struggle firsthand. Despite having siblings who assisted to some extent, the financial strain of caring for her parents ultimately led her to file for bankruptcy. This stark reality underscores the critical need for only children to seek additional support. Connecting with other caregivers, seeking professional help from therapists or geriatric care managers, and building a network of understanding friends can alleviate some of the burden.
The shrinking pool of available caregivers further intensifies the challenges. The ratio of potential family caregivers to individuals above 80 is projected to drop significantly in the coming years, highlighting the need for alternative support systems to bridge the gap.
This solitary struggle extends beyond the realm of caregiving. Dawnita Brown, an only child who received the devastating news of her mother's life-threatening condition while stationed thousands of miles away in Africa, exemplifies the unique difficulties faced by this demographic. The immediate need to make critical medical decisions in isolation and the subsequent responsibility of taking on the sole role of caregiver illustrate the emotional complexities only children grapple with.
The challenges further escalate for solo children with divorced parents residing in different locations. Kim Weir, faced with the potential of needing to travel across the country to assist her mother, highlights the lack of shared responsibility and contingency planning that siblings often facilitate.
Lori's story encapsulates the emotional and financial toll of navigating eldercare as an only child. Despite having a supportive husband, the weight of caring for her parents – who lacked proper financial planning and legal documents – falls solely on her shoulders. The recent hospitalizations, combined with the looming uncertainties of her mother's future, paint a picture of resilience amidst immense emotional strain.
As the number of only children continues to rise, it's crucial to acknowledge the unique challenges they face when navigating the complexities of eldercare. Proactive planning, seeking support from professionals and peers, and advocating for their own well-being are essential steps in navigating this challenging terrain. Only then can they ensure their own well-being while fulfilling their filial duties in a way that is both sustainable and compassionate.
