Why Constant Emotion Checks Might Be Hindering Your Child
Imagine your child, eyes gleaming with ice cream delight, buzzing about an upcoming school project, or reliving a fun day at the park. In these moments, wouldn't you want to capture their joy? It's natural. Yet, the constant barrage of "how are you feeling?" might be inadvertently creating a pressure cooker of emotions.
Research by psychologists suggests that relentlessly pursuing happiness can backfire. The more we chase it, the more likely we are to miss it, regardless of our circumstances. Dr. Yulia Chentsova Dutton, from Georgetown University, explains that focusing excessively on emotions can actually increase distress. This is because our emotions are dynamic and susceptible to manipulation. They might not always be the best indicators of what's truly going on in our lives.
When we constantly ask children to dissect their feelings, we imply that these fleeting states are always valid and crucial for guiding behavior. This can be misleading. Dr. Michael Linden, a leading expert on mood disorders, argues that happiness is a fleeting experience. Most of us navigate life in a state of "okay," managing tiredness, stress, and irritation. His point is validated when he asks you how you feel during the interview. The early hour, looming childcare concerns, and a touch of fatigue paint a picture beyond simply "happy."
Studies consistently show a negative correlation between prioritizing happiness and actual happiness levels. Similarly, adolescents who constantly yearn for more happiness report higher depression symptoms.
The problem extends beyond the pursuit of happiness. The constant focus on feelings can hinder a critical skill: action orientation. Think about it. A winning coach wouldn't ask players to dwell on their emotions at halftime. Research shows that those who take action and focus on tasks are more successful than those who get bogged down in self-reflection about their emotional state.
Individuals who ruminate on their feelings struggle with self-control and completing tasks. In contrast, those able to disengage from negativity are more likely to persevere. The message is clear – emotional fitness builds resilience and fosters a healthy approach to challenges.
A healthy emotional life involves a degree of "repression." Yes, that's right. A child needs to learn to temporarily put aside hurt feelings to concentrate on lessons. Imagine the chaos if every fleeting frustration derailed friendships or schoolwork.
Instead of obsessing over happiness, let's empower children. Encourage them to set goals, take risks, and explore the world outside their heads. This outward focus provides a healthy distraction from the internal emotional turmoil that often defines adolescence. The world offers adventure, learning, and perhaps even the antidote to the pressure to be constantly happy.
So, the next time your child beams with ice cream joy, savor the moment. You can skip the "how are you feeling?" - their smile speaks volumes. Instead, consider fostering resilience, self-control, and a growth mindset. This will equip them to navigate the complexities of life, fleeting emotions and all.
